So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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