just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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