do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
