I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
