ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
