Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize