I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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