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I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
love makes seman taste better
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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