New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
