OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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