i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
