I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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