I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
