ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
