how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
