Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
