I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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