This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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