I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
