thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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