Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
