And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
