the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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