his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
