I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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