Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
being pregnant is like rehab
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
