I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
