Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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