I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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