And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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