After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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