Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love having hate sex.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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