A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
