I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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