I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
