My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
