Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
