I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
