Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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