I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
