Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
