Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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