so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
