my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
