so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
