i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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