Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
True strength comes from lack of pants
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
