Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
