There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
