I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
