the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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