I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
