You made me cry and you don't even care
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
