Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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