If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
