Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
