Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
