We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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