The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
