if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
