You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
