those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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