The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
