Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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