I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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