just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
