we have pet lesbian snakes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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