i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
