you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
