Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
