kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
