Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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