At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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