He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
