...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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