How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize