my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
