im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
