Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
