i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
