So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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