dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
