um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
