drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
