Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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