If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
