i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
