Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
