my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
