Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just cropdusted the office
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
