Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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