pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
