He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize