coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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