He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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