giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize