Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
