Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
