i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
