Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
