Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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