you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
