I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need to stop coming to work sober
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
