You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
