taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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